Funny Engineering Jokes for Engineers

Funny Engineering Jokes for Engineers Its possible you might have to be an engineer to truly appreciate engineering jokes and humor, but if you get the jokes, they are certainly funny! Lazy Engineers Engineering is all about laziness in the name of a better life. Ill-Advised A fire engineer, who could not speak Arabic, was finding it difficult to market his newly invented fire extinguisher in the Arabian continent. He consulted an expert who advised him to use photographic symbols. Now he proceeded with a three-stage demonstration photographs, namely (1) a car on fire, (2) a man fighting the fire with the device, then (3) a clean car. Meanwhile, the Arabs read from right to the left, so they avoided the device completely. Advances and Details A young damsel was asked why she would not marry either of her engineer or lawyer boyfriends. She replied the engineers make advances and add no detail, the lawyers argue details and make no advance. Engineering Joke An engineer is someone who uses a slide rule to multiply two by two; gets an answer of 3.99 and calls it 4 to the nearest significant figure. Light Bulbs How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? None. They wouldnt do it. Its a hardware problem. Chemical Engineer Vs. Chemist Whats the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? Answer: about $50k a year Chemical Engineer and Chemist Whats the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun. Wife or Mistress? An architect, artist, and engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with their wives or mistresses. The architect said, I like spending time with my wife building a firm foundation of a marriage. The artist said, I enjoy the time I spend with my mistress because of all the passion and energy. The engineer said I enjoy both. If you have a wife and a mistress, both women think you are with the other so you can go to work get more done MechE and CivE The Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers post below can add Chemical Engineers as engineers that build targets that explode really well. The Physicist A physicist was sitting in his room alone and realized that he felt depressed. So he went to a psychologist to see if the psychologist could help him feel better again. After a little bit of introduction and talking about the physicists life, the psychologist looks at his notes and tells the physicist, Well, I think I know what brings you down the most.† Well, what is it? asked the physicist.† Gravity. Definition of an Engineer What is the definition of an engineer? Answer: Someone who solves a problem you didnt know you had, in a way you dont understand. It Takes One to Know One Engineer and Mathematician (males) were given the opportunity to compete for a very attractive woman. But there was one condition: You can only run half the remaining distance between you and the lady. Eng. sprinted forward while Math. didnt. Why arent you running? Asked members of the Committee. Because, by definition, I will never be allowed to reach my target. And you Eng. why are you running? Dont you know the same? Yes, said Eng. my learned friend is correct. But I will get close enough for all practical purposes.

Current management issues in the real world Essay

Current management issues in the real world - Essay Example The author made an initial assessment of the underlying concept that was emphasized upon in the article and then looked into other information available on the same matter (Pfeffer, 2010, p.26). This included an understanding of human capital and what it means to organizations, as well as examples of where layoffs have been used to strengthen the financial position of a company but have had negative effects in the long-term. The author reflected on the subject expressed in the article, by using material from other sources of literature, including online articles that have been published on various blogs and e-magazines. This helped the author gain a strong foundation on the subject matter and allow for the expression of views that affect the managerial issue of layoffs. The issue of layoffs is one that evokes public debate in depth. It is normally seen as the ideal way for making an organization cost-effective and tends to be the first step taking by enterprises when faced with tough financial situations (Baker, 2009). Even the recent downturn in the global markets saw financial service providers along with several other institutions take the step of downsizing the workforce in order to retain their profitability. However, it is not easy for management to make this decision as the chances of any downturn remaining for long remain slim; so when the situation returns to normal, recruitment drives will have to be resumed which in turn could cost the organization a lot more than current outgoings. A recent debate that has arisen discusses whether the decision to lay off employees is ideal for any organization, even when the economy appears to be in standstill or downturn (Pfeffer, 2010, p.24). Companies in the United States over the last few decades have shown a tendency to shed jobs; something quite evident from the auto industry. For most managers, the action of retrenchment appears unavoidable, as there is a general consensus in the cost of employees being the

Advertisements to compare Term Paper Example | Topics and Well Written Essays - 750 words

Advertisements to compare - Term Paper Example Considering that this product is made for babies, parents (particularly mothers) are likely to be the major target audience for this product. Since cleaning the baby gently is a basic need and protecting the baby in the mother’s hands is also a need, the motivations behind buying this product are likely to be psychological(emotional) rather than functional. The baby’s desire to belong to the mother by staying in her hands even while washing is a social need. Therefore, the mother is likely to make the purchase of such a product that satisfies her baby the most. Parents want the best for their child (Daniels, 2009); hence, they are highly moved by television ads, word-of-mouth referrals as well as direct mail to decide the final product. Colors, texture and the brand’s connotations play a much more significant role than functional attributes such as durability and value for money (Daniels, 2009). Various communication strategies could be used here. Considering tha t mothers (particularly housewives) are likely to buy this product, the ad would be aired on local television channels during a slot between 8-10 p.m. when mothers usually wind up their household chores and watch the television. It would also be aired on channels such as Baby TV since mothers are likely to watch this channel while sitting with their babies. Furthermore, the ad copy reads â€Å"first bath† which hints at first time parents who have a vague idea of the differences between various brands of baby products (Daniels, 2009). Product differentiation would be an important consideration; therefore, the ad must be placed immediately before or after the ad of another similar brand on television so that the audience can differentiate between the two. Next, marketing would be done via word of mouth (WOM) referrals since parents tend to learn a lot about baby products from other parents’ experiences. Although WOM operates spontaneously, the company can use popular ce lebrity moms or expecting moms (such Kim Kardishan) to become trendsetters for others to follow. Finally, search engine optimization (SEO) for this product’s website shall ensure that mothers who surf the web are lead to this website immediately compared to others. The budget that SEO takes up is relatively very small compared to the customer traffic it generates (Miller, 2012). Therefore, using SEO to communicate the ad could be cost-effective. However, the response rate is relatively slow for SEO advertising and investment takes a long time to realize. The unpredictability owing to little control over algorithm means that there is no certainty as to when the results will materialize. Furthermore, this is a supplementary strategy and does not serve as a holistic strategy in itself due to limited reach and scope. The second ad selected in Exhibit 5-11 from Chapter 5 of the book. This ad depicts the marketing strategy of Heinz ketchup which has made repetitive claims in order to ‘remind’ its audience about the product. Considering it’s a low-involvement product, therefore, no lengthy information is put in the ad; rather, the ad is simple and uses the tomato red color along with tomato slices shaped into a bottle to indicate the freshness and taste of the ketchup. The product is not new and already has several loyal buyers. Hence, the ad is merely reinforcing the brand image that has already been so strong along the years. The target audience of this product is likely to be everyone and anyone who enjoys using ketchup including housewives,

The country pleasures which John Donne mentioned Essay Example for Free

The country pleasures which John Donne mentioned Essay In Donnes poetry, individual desire operates on two levels: on one level, it is the desire which is born out of the lower self and seeks gratification in the pleasures of the senses. On another level desire is spiritual and it seeks to transcend the physical. The country pleasures which John Donne mentioned in The Good Morrow is an example of the physical pleasures which the poet seeks to satisfy in physical activities. However such kinds of pleasures are only mere illusions, that is, fancies. The desire to love is felt like an inner urge in the poet. It is a spiritual force which transcends the physical to meet at a higher level and brings about a unity of souls. His only desire was to be united with his beloved: If ever any beauty I did see, Which I desired, and got, twas but a dream of thee. The strong urge of the desire to love is enacted effectively by the tone of the last two lines in the first stanza of The Good Morrow. The caesuras after see in line 6 of the first stanza and in line 7 of the first stanza enacts forcefully the inner urge which the poet feels. The desire starts in a dream to have a beauty and that desire is fulfilled majestically. The use of metaphysical conceits dominate the last two stanzas. The lovers see worlds of their own reflected in the pupils of each other. Here we can see that the desire is not sensual pleasure, rather it is the new horizon which love opens to the poet which are of significance. Hence, the desire is more of a spiritual nature. The emphasis throughout the second and third stanzas is on the soul rather than on the physical. It is the desire of a soul in quest of divine joy. Harmony and inner tranquillity can only be attained through a union of souls. In Holy Sonnets I, the poets desire for Divine grace is strongly articulated. He appeals to Gods mercy to save him before it is too late and he is eternally dead. 1 It is a prayer of a lost soul seeking divine grace to prevent it from damnation in the fire of hell. The poet realises his helplessness in the face of death. Only divine grace can help him to attain salvation. The sincerity of the prayer is evident throughout the sonnet. Man is a born sinner for he has been created weak. But with the help of the creator, man can strengthen his heart so that he does not fall an easy prey to the art of the arch deceiver who is our eternal foe (Ln. 11), that is, Satan. The desires for physical pleasures are but an illusion: And all my pleasures are like yesterday (Ln. 4). In this line the poets realisation of the fleeting pleasures of this physical world is articulated and at the same time it expresses a sense of regret and despair for having wasted ones life. The damage is almost irreparable, but reparable by the intervention of the divine grace. Hence the poets plea to God to repair (Ln.2) him, that is, to repair the damage which the poet has done to himself by committing sins. The word repair is loaded with meaning. Repair implies that damages have occurred and the reasons for these damages are sins. Desires can thus lead to sin and the individual is constantly being tempted. It is a test of character which the individual is undergoing in this terrestrial life and without the support of God, the poet will not be able to sustain himself for even one hour. The desire to be forgiven and the desire for divine grace is expressed with a lot of fervour. In sonnet 5, the poet once again expresses his desire for salvation. The same fervour and zeal is present as in Holy Sonnet I and the poet asks God to endow him with the capacity to weep so that he can drown his sins in tears. The overall desire in this sonnet is the desire for sincere repentance so that the poet can save his soul. There is the realisation that without divine grace, the poet will lose both his lower self as well as his higher self, that is, his soul. In A hymn to Christ, the poets desire is to be a born Christian again: and make me anew. The desire to be born again is like another chance to be given to sinners so that they can lead a life in conformity with the teachings of Christ, the saviour of humanity. It is the desire to attain an everlasting life. There is the realisation of lost innocence which the poet talks about in the imagery of a usurped town which has been ravished. In sonnet 7 Donne realises his need for repentance. He believes that his sins abound. The life that he has been living is full of sins. The poets urgent desire to be forgiven by God is expressed as: Teach me how to repent . The poet does not really know how to ask for forgiveness to God. In a sense he is waiting for divine inspiration to reach him. It is the thought of death that pushes Donne to seek divine forgiveness for all his past sins. By repenting the poet wants to seek abundance of [Gods] grace. Donne speaks directly to the lord: but let them sleep, Lord. Donne uses a very common religious metaphor in comparing death as a sleep before the end of time, when both good and bad people will be woken up to meet their eternal fate. Also, in this line, the speaker shifts the object of his apostrophe: hes now talking to God. 2 The last two lines introduce an important simile. Learning how to repent is like having the pardon for your sins sealed in blood. Donne conceives the pardon as an official document, the kind that would normally have a wax seal that serves as a kind of signature. But the simile is more complex than that. The speaker is saying that God really did seal his (the speakers) pardon with Gods own blood when He sent Jesus to die for the sins of humanity. The blood on the pardon is a metaphor for Christs blood. 3 So Donnes desire for forgiveness is a means he is seeking to go to heaven. In sonnet 14 the poet desires to start his life afresh. The metaphor of the usurped town is very symbolical in this sense. It is as if the poets soul has been captured by the enemy, who perhaps, is the Satan. The poet does not feel that is still in his own skin. He thinks himself to be a prisoner of his own soul as someone would be imprisoned in a usurped town. Though the sonnet contains many sexual metaphors like oerthrow me, and bend / Your force, ravish, and enthrall, the sonnet aims also at the new start of a spiritual life. The poet asks God to make me new. This is in a sense the inner self calling out to the poet that the way he has been living his life was not appropriate. He therefore needs spiritual renewal to be able to come closer to God. The metaphor or break that knot again is more as an apology and plea for forgiveness4 when an individual is forgiven by God he is like a new born child that has never ever committed sins. This is what the poet is seeking in this sonnet- to be as pure once again as a new born child. So, individual desire in Donnes poetry is more of a spiritual kind. Desire for the poet was not only sensual but rather more associated with God. He is trying in a sense to attain a very high level of spirituality in his life and desires salvation and the eternal bliss, which is paradise. The spiritual height that the poet wants to attain is due to his realization of his sins he committed all through his life. Now he needs to be cleansed. Bibliography.   John Donne poems: A Good-Morrow. Holy sonnets 1, 5, 7,14. Online resources.   http://wednesday1993. wordpress. com/2011/04/17/john-donnes-holy-sonnet-i-the-theology-of-grace/ http://www. shmoop. com/round-earths-imagined-corners-holy-sonnet-7/death-symbol. html   http://www. shmoop. com/round-earths-imagined-corners-holy-sonnet-7/repentance-pardon-symbol. html. http://www. shmoop.com/batter-my-heart-holy-sonnet-14/unhappy-engagement-affair-with-god-symbol. html 1 Quoted online from: http://wednesday1993. wordpress. com/2011/04/17/john-donnes-holy-sonnet-i-the-theology-of-grace/. 2 Quoted online from: http://www. shmoop. com/round-earths-imagined-corners-holy-sonnet-7/death-symbol. html 3Quoted online from: http://www. shmoop. com/round-earths-imagined-corners-holy-sonnet-7/repentance-pardon-symbol. html 4Quoted online from: http://www. shmoop. com/batter-my-heart-holy-sonnet-14/unhappy-engagement-affair-with-god-symbol. html.

The Battle At Wounded Knee :: essays papers

The Battle At Wounded Knee On December 15, 1890 authorities feared that the Sioux's new Ghost Dance ³ religion might inspire an uprising. Sitting Bull permitted Grand River people to join the antiwhite Ghost Dance cult and was therefore arrested by troops. In the fracas that followed, he was shot twice in the head. Sitting Bull' followers were apprehended and brought to the U.S Army Camp at Wounded Knee Creek in southwestern South Dakota. Moving among the tipis, soldiers lifted women's dresses and touched their private parts, ripping from them essential cooking and sewing utensils. The men sitting in the council heard the angry shrieks of their wives, mothers, and daughters. Several Lakota, offended by the abusive actions of the cavalry, stubbornly waited to have their weapons taken from them. It was a show of honor in front of their elders, for few of them were old enough to have fought in the "Indian Wars" fifteen years before. That night, everyone was tired out by the hard trip. James Asay, a Pine Ridge trader and whiskey runner, brought a ten-gallon keg of whiskey to the Seventh Cavalry officers. Many of the Indian men were kept up all night by the drunken Cavalry where the soldiers kept asking them how old they were. The soldiers were hoping to discover which of the men had been at the Battle of Little Bighorn where Custer was killed. On the bitterly cold morning of December 29, 1890, Alice Ghost Horse, a thirteen- year old Lakota girl rode her horse through the U.S Army camp looking for her father, one of the Indian men who had been rounded up earlier that day. Less than fifty yards away she could see her father sitting on the ground with other disarmed men from Chief Big Foot's band, surrounded by more than 500 heavily armed soldiers of the Seventh Cavalry. She looked North up the hill where four "guns on wheels" were mounted. Troopers watched silently on each side of the Hotchkiss battery. To one side Alice noticed a familiar figure standing with hands raised above his head, his arms turned upward in prayer. It was the medicine man by the name of Yellow Bird. He stood facing the east, right by the fire pit which was now covered with dirt. He was praying and crying. He was saying to the spotted eagles that he wanted to die instead of his people. He must have sense that something was going to happen. He picked up some dirt from the fire place and threw it up in the air and said, "This is the way I want to go, back to dust. The Battle At Wounded Knee :: essays papers The Battle At Wounded Knee On December 15, 1890 authorities feared that the Sioux's new Ghost Dance ³ religion might inspire an uprising. Sitting Bull permitted Grand River people to join the antiwhite Ghost Dance cult and was therefore arrested by troops. In the fracas that followed, he was shot twice in the head. Sitting Bull' followers were apprehended and brought to the U.S Army Camp at Wounded Knee Creek in southwestern South Dakota. Moving among the tipis, soldiers lifted women's dresses and touched their private parts, ripping from them essential cooking and sewing utensils. The men sitting in the council heard the angry shrieks of their wives, mothers, and daughters. Several Lakota, offended by the abusive actions of the cavalry, stubbornly waited to have their weapons taken from them. It was a show of honor in front of their elders, for few of them were old enough to have fought in the "Indian Wars" fifteen years before. That night, everyone was tired out by the hard trip. James Asay, a Pine Ridge trader and whiskey runner, brought a ten-gallon keg of whiskey to the Seventh Cavalry officers. Many of the Indian men were kept up all night by the drunken Cavalry where the soldiers kept asking them how old they were. The soldiers were hoping to discover which of the men had been at the Battle of Little Bighorn where Custer was killed. On the bitterly cold morning of December 29, 1890, Alice Ghost Horse, a thirteen- year old Lakota girl rode her horse through the U.S Army camp looking for her father, one of the Indian men who had been rounded up earlier that day. Less than fifty yards away she could see her father sitting on the ground with other disarmed men from Chief Big Foot's band, surrounded by more than 500 heavily armed soldiers of the Seventh Cavalry. She looked North up the hill where four "guns on wheels" were mounted. Troopers watched silently on each side of the Hotchkiss battery. To one side Alice noticed a familiar figure standing with hands raised above his head, his arms turned upward in prayer. It was the medicine man by the name of Yellow Bird. He stood facing the east, right by the fire pit which was now covered with dirt. He was praying and crying. He was saying to the spotted eagles that he wanted to die instead of his people. He must have sense that something was going to happen. He picked up some dirt from the fire place and threw it up in the air and said, "This is the way I want to go, back to dust.

The Conelly’s bond with Roan Inish

The film directed by John Sayles; The Secret of Roan Inish is a captivating story about an Irish family; The Coneelly’s. The family’s bond to the island of Roan Inish and the seals that reside nearby is exceptional and mystifying. Why are the Coneelly’s so drawn to the island? The family’s roots on Roan Inish start far back with Fiona’s great great great grandfather Sean Michael who arrives on the island on a prayer. Another Coneelly; Liam, solidifies the connection to Irish island through his marriage to Nula. Finally the loss of Fiona’s brother Jaime at Roan Inish keeps the island on the mind of the family almost constantly. The Coneelly’s attachment to the Island of Roan Inish is firmly rooted by several factors. One of the most important factors of this revolves around the oldest known member of the family, Sean Michael. Sean Michael was aboard a fishing vessel that capsized; drowning all of the Coneelly fishermen on board except Sean Michael. As the legend tells it; Sean Michael had such a strong soul the sea would not take him. Seals rescued Sean Michael and took him to the island of Roan Inish; where he colonized and single handedly rebuilt the Coneelly family. Another pivotal member of the family is Liam. On the island everyone is family and when it comes time to find a mate the men leave Roan Inish to find their bride. Young Liam indeed left the island to find his bride; on an island not far away he came across a selkie; a half woman, half seal creature. As the legend tells it a man who is able to keep the skin of a seklie will have her affection forever. Liam took that advice seriously and captured the skin; and then rightfully gained her affection. They eventually bore children. Their love of the sea was constant; Nula even suggested they build a cradle for their newborn from wood that once sailed the sea. This cradle was passed down through the Coneelly family for years to come and used as a bassinet for each new Coneelly family member. Eventually Nula comes to realize Liam has been keeping her seal skin; at this point she returns to the sea but the seals always seem to stay close to the island of Roan Inish. Once Nula returns to the sea the Coneelly’s ban the hunting of seals. This is a solid symbolic bond between the Island, Seals and the Family. Finally the last important factor for the family connection to the island is that of young Jaime, Fiona’s brother. After Fiona is told the story about Jaime’s disappearance she becomes obsessed with the idea that Jaime is alive. Fiona makes two trips to Roan Inish before convincing the other family members Jamie exists. On the first trip she is brought to the island by Hugh. Fiona spends a fair amount of time on the island and then spies Jamie in a field. She tries to summon Jamie but he runs away, gets into the family bassinet which he is using as a boat and drifts away. On Fiona’s second trip to the island her boat mysteriously becomes untied from the dock. The boat seems to be lead to the island by way of the Seals. Fiona sees Jamie again and confirms that he is being cared for by the seals. This is another paramount symbol of a strong connection between the Coneelly family and the island. The bond between the Coneelly family and Roan Inish is steadfast and strong. Their ties between the seals and the island run deep. Sean Michael’s colonization of the island starts the great tie between the family, island and seals. Liam’s marriage Nula strengthens the relationship with the seals and symbolizes the connection between the two. The seals overseeing and caring for Jamie after the Coneelly’s left the island proves that the seals and family are one. Theese clues demonstrates that the Coneelly family belongs on the Island of Roan Inish where the seals and family can live together.

Henrik Ibsen s A Doll s House - 985 Words

Henrik Ibsen’s a doll’s house was one of the first works of drama to seriously take on modern social issues from a realistic perspective. The play was shocking to many because it painted characters and situations as they would be in life. The main character, Nora, is neither protagonist nor antagonist, but has a combination of good characteristics and flaws in the same way as any real person. Nora’s husband is also a complex character who cannot be called either good or bad. From this perspective, the characters can take on social issues that are difficult and complex as well. One of the most obvious issues that Ibsen brings to his audience is that of late nineteenth-century gender roles. The first interaction between Norah and her husband†¦show more content†¦This is not to say that Torvald is a bad man or overpowering husband, but his actions represent those opinions accepted in the male-dominated society of the late nineteenth century. Torvald seems to make Nora’s one duty clear in Act III when he tries to take her to bed. â€Å"You won’t ---you won’t? Am I not your husband?† (page 286, line 9) Otherwise, Nora’s responsibilities in the house are minimal. There are things she does to take care of the household, but as she says, â€Å"The maids know all about everything in the house—better than I do.† Although Nora usually does some shopping for the children and household, the maids can do that just as well. When it comes to Nora’s motherly responsibilities, her nanny spends much more time with the children and is almost solely responsible for raising them. In the brief intervals that Nora does spend time with her children, they are dolls to her in the same way that she is a doll to her husband. She asks the nanny permission to hold her own daughter, and then calls her â€Å"sweet little baby doll† (page 261, line 39). Nora also takes pleasure in dressing and undressing her children like a little girl with a doll. However, when it comes time to instruct or discipline the children, they go back to their nanny. Even in this motherly aspect, Nora is given no responsibility. Nora herself is treated as a child and continues to act like one. This is apparent in the way she sneaks sweets into her pocket and blatantly lies about it to her